Things I wish I would've known...
- I would not feel sad about not being pregnant anymore. Some of the stuff I read during pregnancy talked about the potential for the new mom to feel some sad emotions because the baby was no longer inside. I liked being pregnant but I did not feel sad that I wasn't anymore, holding Tyler in my arms was definitely enough. I worried (and wondered) if I would be able to handle the challenging emotions of post-partum. I did. But I cried and had a hard time sometimes too. And in the end, both the good times and the hard times of the very beginning of Tyler's life helped mold the mother I am today. (Because sometimes, the days are still hard. And sometimes I cry.)
-Pregnancy is preparation. Our lives- and especially mine- literally changed the instant that the little test said pregnant. All of a sudden, it really wasn't about me and what I wanted to do anymore. It's like a slow, gradual, 9 month build up to the ultimate life change...new baby on the "outside." Pregnancy taught me that I couldn't just eat, drink, or do exactly what I wanted. Having a toddler (he's a toddler and not a baby?!?!) means that I still can't eat, drink or do exactly what I want...because, as an example, lunch sometimes happens at 2pm (and sometimes it happens in the form of chips and salsa straight out of the container while standing at the kitchen counter) and sometimes, actually, it doesn't happen. You get the idea.
-Sleep isn't that important. You know what's funny, I can't really exactly remember how hard those first few months were. Actually, it's not funny...it's more like survival of the fittest and other evolution-type science words. If I could remember, exactly, I don't know that round 2 would be a consideration. But anyway, the point is lack of sleep isn't even something I think about anymore. Maybe that's because Tyler goes to bed at 7pm and wakes up between 630-730am. Maybe I should just take a moment to count this blessing, however big or small it may be.
- Trust my body. I REALLY wish I would've been able to do this more. I read a lot during pregnancy about all the changes and how and why because it genuinely interested me. (And I found out there was a legitimate reason for all that heartburn...)
Throughout the pregnancy, I thought (or worried) a lot about whether I'd be able to deliver the baby...I didn't know. I mean, obviously, I could've looked around and I would've seen millions upon millions of women who have done it so odds were likely that I would as well but I didn't know. And not knowing didn't make me feel confident. As it turns out, I could do it.
Throughout the first few weeks of breastfeeding, I thought (and worried) a lot about whether Tyler was getting what he needed and especially if I was doing it right. Tyler completely weaned 1 month ago at the ripe old age of 13 months. Apparently, he was getting what he needed and I was doing it right. I wish I would've trusted the system and the process and not spent so much time wondering (and worrying). The human body (and especially a mother's body?!) is truly built as one awe-inspiring machine, capable of so much more than I was giving it credit for.
Recently, I have caught myself in car ride or quiet end of the night moments thinking about some of these things which is what prompted this post. I could probably go one step further and say that thinking back on these things feels like both a conclusion to Tyler's pregnancy/delivery/babyhood and a stepping off point for....whatever is next! No, we are not currently expecting another baby but, honestly, we talk more frequently now about how we hope Tyler will have a brother or sister some day and that maybe that some day will be soon...-ish...(how's that for suspense?)
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